Smart talk deals

The best deals this week, from eucalyptus leaves to Roomba vacuums

The best deals this week, from eucalyptus leaves to Roomba vacuums

Composed by Vice Staff

Incredible deals on all our favorite stuff.

HEYO—oh, our most sincere apologies, we just wanted to get your full attention. Why? Because it’s Friday, which means we’re coming to you live with brand new deals so hot that even Guy Fieri’s flame shirt is crying right now. Everyone deserves a little slice of heavenly flights, and we’re happy to provide the savings-based serotonin boost that will give you the same smooth, all-in-the-world feeling as your five-pack of father. Grass seals offer.

Last week in cyberspace, we lit up with horny CBD oil, post-sexy dresses, and Our Place’s epic kitchenware sale (only 72 hours left!), and we’ve got took a fat nap in our CBD pajamas. This week, we’re featuring sale sheets that’ll have you nostalgic for college, discounted kicks that’ll match your latest pair of tailored chinos, and everything you need to get started in spring as a that freshly zhuzhed low-budget baller.

So drop that slice of dollar, fire up the pizza oven and open a crispy drinkbecause it’s baby deal day, and you deserve it.

The best Amazon offers of the moment

You can finally throw your dad’s old dust sucker in the dumpster behind Denny’s, because this robotic vacuum master is a massive 34% off right now. It will automatically remove dirt from your new shag carpet and freshly waxed floors, while its edge-sweeping technology removes debris from all the nooks and crannies your mom warned you about when you were a kid.

$274$179.99 to Amazon

One benefit of a significant other – or sneaky link – is that you have your own personal masseuses when needed. If you are going through a dry spell, fear not, the Renpho handheld massager is here to 16% off. It’s ideal when you desperately need to have your back tenderized like a tough cut of steak, and it comes with five different head attachments to get every crevice and knead hard-to-reach knots.

$49.99$41.99 to Amazon

Jam sessions speak to our hearts, whether it’s Celine Dion in a love session, or beating Beethoven on the keys while sipping a whiskey sour. Everyone should experience a headset at some point in their life – and now you can, anywhere, with the 17% off, JBL Power Charge 5 portable speaker. It beats the prehistoric Stone Age radio that’s been sitting on your coffee table for years (although we do have a thrifty gem).

$179.95$149.95 to Amazon

Avocado Mother’s Day Sale

All we want is for you to sleep like a baby. For an epic nap on sale, Avocado, one of the best mattress pads in the game, gave us 10% off sitewide when you use the promotional code SAVE10 like a treat for Mother’s Day, and the sale lasts until June 6th. In addition to the brand’s eco-friendly and incredibly comfortable mattresses, we’re eyeing the silk pillowcase so we can keep our faces as smooth as a baby’s bottom, as well as the alpaca wool throw blankets to stay snug on chilly summer nights, and this comfy vegan mattress.

$69 to Lawyer

$1499 to Lawyer

ASOS Big Summer Fashion Sale

Online fashion giant ASOS is a bottomless pit of brands with over 850 choices, but luckily for us you can currently get up to 30% off The ASOS catalog of beachwear, lightweight jackets, joggers and more until May 9, just in time to swap your jeans for jorts. There are also limitless swimwear options for your next getaway with your mystery lover.

$24 to ASOS

Adidas Sportswear Deals

Sportswear, or shall we say, athleticism, is a lifestyle. Whether you’re a gym junkie or just want to stomp around in athletic yarns, Adidas kills with a 30% off sale of sportswear, by May 10. Don’t know what to buy? No sweating. We appreciate a good old-fashioned white sneaker, and you should too. They go with everything, whether it’s a broken band t-shirt, a cringe fedora (which should be illegal), or a fancy pair of chinos.

$100 to Adidas

Buffy Sitewide Sale

Linen sheets can look crisp against the skin while getting weird, reading a novel or getting naughty with a midnight feast of fries and salsa, but there’s nothing wrong with a little change. Take the plunge and pluck some sweet and refreshing eucalyptus leaves from Buffy, who happens to be offering 15% off sitewide for Mother’s Day, from now until May 9th. God bless you.

$199$169.15 to buffy

Ella Paradis’ Epic Sex Toy Deals

It’s Friday, which means it’s time to open the bedside drawer and pull out your favorite sex toy (or whatever gets the engine going). We are all busy people who know what we want and we have no room for boredom in the bedroom. To spice it up, Ella Paradis offers up to 75% off sitewide until May 9 on everything from vibrators and dildos to butt plugs, lubricants and more. There’s nothing that stimulates our senses more than a sexy sale – in fact, too bad, the VICE Reader Bestsellers Bundle and the Beginners Guide to Anal Bundle make a bit of a better job.

$665.97$129.99 to Ella Paradise

$665.97$129.99 to Ella Paradise

$109.87$69.99 to Ella Paradise

$109.87$69.99 to Ella Paradise

The iPhone of alarm clocks is on sale

Smartphone alarm clocks can be ruthlessly weak. That little chime ringer just isn’t going to cut it, not to mention the unsolicited brightness that makes your eyes scream “mother of pearl!” To make the alarm clock brighter (without also lots of light), Loftie offers discount of 20 its dreamy alarm clock with a dimmable display, nightlight, two-phase alarms and personalized readable content.

Toodles for now—check back next week.

Rec Room staff independently curated all items featured in this story. Want more reviews, recommendations and great deals? Subscribe to our newsletter.